Beyond Fight or Flight
Most of us learned about “fight or flight” in school. It’s the idea that when we sense danger, our body gets ready to fight back or run away. That’s true—but it’s only part of the story.
Your nervous system actually has more than two ways to respond to stress. Sometimes people don’t fight or run. Instead, they might try to please the person who scares them. Or they might freeze completely. Or their whole body might shut down. These responses are called fawn, freeze, and collapse, and they are just as real and just as protective as fight or flight (Porges, 2022).
At Growth and Healing Wellness Center in Fort Lauderdale, owned by Margie Mader, LMFT, CHt, we use this understanding to help people make sense of reactions that once felt confusing or even shameful. None of these responses are flaws. They are simply what a nervous system does to try to keep you safe.
What Is Neuroception?
To understand these responses, it helps to know about something called neuroception. This word was created by Dr. Stephen Porges, the scientist behind Polyvagal Theory (Porges, 2022).
Neuroception is your nervous system’s way of scanning for danger or safety without you even thinking about it. It happens below the level of conscious thought. Your body might notice a tone of voice, a facial expression, a sudden noise, or even a memory-like feeling in your gut—and it decides, “safe” or “not safe,” often before your thinking brain catches up.
This is why you can know you’re safe and still feel unsafe. Your thoughts and your body aren’t always on the same page. Neuroception is happening constantly in the background, like a smoke detector that’s always on alert (Polyvagal Institute, n.d.).
Meet Fawn, Freeze, and Collapse
Let’s talk about the lesser-known stress responses.
Fawn happens when a person tries to keep the peace by pleasing, agreeing, or taking care of someone else’s needs first—even at their own expense. This isn’t about being a “pushover.” It’s a nervous system trying to reduce danger by keeping others calm.
Freeze is like hitting the pause button. The body stays alert and tense, but movement stops. Think of a deer caught in headlights. The heart may be racing, but the body can’t seem to move.
Collapse, sometimes called dorsal vagal shutdown, is different from freeze. It’s a deeper kind of stillness. The body slows down, energy drops, and a person might feel foggy, numb, or far away, almost like they’re not fully present. This response is linked to the body’s oldest survival circuits, which activate when danger feels overwhelming or inescapable (Porges, 2025).
None of these are choices. They are automatic. Understanding this can bring a lot of relief to people who’ve spent years wondering, “Why didn’t I just speak up?” or “Why do I shut down instead of getting angry?”
Why Safety Has to Be Felt, Not Just Understood
Here’s something important: knowing you’re safe and feeling safe are not the same thing.
Polyvagal Theory highlights something called co-regulation—the idea that our nervous systems settle best in connection with another calm, caring nervous system (Porges, 2022). A steady voice, a warm facial expression, or a relaxed body posture from someone we trust can send safety signals straight to our nervous system, often faster than words can.
This is why simply telling someone “you’re okay” rarely works during a stress response. The body needs to feel safety through tone, touch, pacing, and presence—not just hear it. Co-regulation, more than logic, helps the nervous system shift out of protection mode (Kolacz & Porges, 2024).
Why You Can’t Meditate Your Way Out of Dorsal Vagal Shutdown
Meditation is a wonderful tool for many people. But when someone is in a deep shutdown state, sitting quietly and turning inward can sometimes make things feel worse instead of better.
Why? Because during collapse, the body may already feel disconnected, foggy, or numb. Asking it to go even more inward and still can increase that sense of disconnection rather than ease it. The nervous system may need a small amount of gentle activation and connection before stillness can feel safe or helpful.
This doesn’t mean meditation is bad. It means timing and approach matter. For some people, especially those with trauma histories, healing may need to start with the body, not just the mind (Porges, 2025).
Gentle Things That May Help
There’s no single fix that works for everyone, and healing isn’t a straight line. But here are some gentle options people sometimes find supportive during shutdown or freeze:
- Orienting to the room: Looking around slowly and naming a few things you see can help remind the body it’s in the present moment.
- Light or rhythmic movement, if it feels tolerable: Gently swaying, tapping your feet, or stretching may help the body find a small sense of motion again.
- Sensory contact: Holding something with texture, feeling your feet on the floor, or noticing temperature can help bring awareness back to the body.
- Warm connection with a trusted person: A calm voice or safe presence can help the nervous system borrow steadiness from someone else.
- Trauma-informed professional support: A therapist trained in nervous system regulation can help guide this process safely and at the right pace.
These are gentle possibilities, not guaranteed steps or a required order. Everyone’s nervous system is different.
A Note on the Science
Polyvagal Theory is a helpful framework for understanding stress responses, and many therapists find it useful in practice. At the same time, some of its specific physiological claims are still debated among scientists (Porges, 2025). It’s a lens for understanding experience, not a diagnosis or a proven biological fact for every detail.
A Gentle Reminder
This article is for education only. It is not a replacement for therapy or medical care. If you or someone you know is in crisis or unsafe, please contact emergency services or a crisis line right away.
If you’d like support in understanding your own nervous system responses and creating a safe approach to help you shift this in real time, the team at Growth and Healing Wellness Center in Fort Lauderdale, led by Margie Mader, LMFT, CHt, is here to help guide that journey with compassion and care.
References
Kolacz, J., & Porges, S. W. (2024). Social co-regulation of the autonomic nervous system between infants and their caregivers. In J. D. Osofsky, H. E. Fitzgerald, M. Keren, & K. Puura (Eds.), WAIMH handbook of infant and early childhood mental health (pp. 169–183).
Polyvagal Institute. (n.d.). What is Polyvagal Theory? https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheory
Porges, S. W. (2022). Polyvagal theory: A science of safety. Frontiers in Psychology, 13. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9131189
Porges, S. W. (2025). Polyvagal theory: A journey from physiological observation to neural innervation and clinical insight. Frontiers in Behavioral Neuroscience, 19. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/behavioral-neuroscience/articles/10.3389/fnbeh.2025.1659083/full