I often get asked, “Should I leave this relationship or continue to try to make it work?” It is very difficult to decide if and when it is time to leave. Some people are afraid of commitment, getting hurt, or risking being vulnerable. As a result, they are often quick to leave a relationship in order to protect themselves. Others stay too long, hoping things will change. Here are some questions to ask yourself to help assess if you are getting what you need from the relationship you’re in.
1- Do I feel I am my best self when I am with my partner?
2- Do I hide any part of myself to make things work, or to avoid conflict?
3- Do I feel valued and validated?
4- Can I see myself living this way long term?
5- Do I feel truly accepted by my partner?
6- Do I accept my partner fully?
7- Are there any deal breakers I’m choosing to ignore?
8- Am I ignoring any core values or beliefs that are important to me, in order to stay in this relationship?
9- How do we better each other’s lives?
10- Can we grow together, or do we impede each other’s growth?
We can love someone and they can love us, but we may not be right for each other. It is important to be in a grounded, and clear space when you make this decision. You don’t want to be reactive, or come from a place of anger. If you’ve asked yourself all these questions and are still struggling, you may need some support to navigate your way through this. If your friends and family are not enough, or are complicating matters with their opinions – therapy may be a helpful alternative. An objective perspective that helps you look at life differently, may be exactly what you need.
Remember, you are the most important person. Take care of you and honor you, and so will everyone else. We teach people how to treat us, by example.
Margie Mader, LMFT, CHt