There hasn’t been one person that hasn’t thought at some point in their lives,” Why do people cheat?” Weather you’ve had someone cheat on you, you’ve done the cheating, or grew up with it in your house – it’s still a mystery. Even people that have cheated often don’t know why they’ve done it. Interesting, huh?
So, here are some of the most common reasons people cheat that I’ve discovered in working with clients for over 18 years.
1. They are done with the relationship and think there is no going back.
2. They report feeling unloved, invisible, unappreciated, and discarded.
3. Someone else is “making” them feel valued and filling the void they have.
4. The excitement and fantasy is addictive and seductive.
5. They were exposed to it in childhood therefore it’s an option for them, as a way of checking out of relationships.
6. They want to escape/numb/run away from the pain in the relationship.
7. They don’t know how to work through conflict in relationships in healthy ways.
So, having said all this, the question is why don’t they stop themselves? Often, people report “It just happened.” The dopamine in the brain, along with all the other “happy chemicals”, starts to go to such a high level it becomes difficult for someone to stop. The pleasure sensors in the brain start to depend on and need the infidelity to feel good. This is how the fantasy becomes addictive.
If you have ever cheated or have been cheated “on”, I highly recommend you explore by yourself or with a trained professional the causes and impact of cheating. Next, decide how to nurture your needs appropriately and slowly start to do this. This will take some work, and insight, but be patient with the process. You will day by day, retrain your brain to be more fulfilled in healthier ways and will create healing.
The pattern can be broken, you just need to be willing to do the work.