Dear Debbie,

   I was excited about starting a new business venture until one of my friends began making negative comments.  Unfortuneately, I now find myself losing enthusiasm for an opportunity that I have worked long and hard for.  I am hoping you can give me some insight as to why I become so affected by what other people say.

Affected in Pompano

Dear Affected,

   The reason you become so affected by what others say is because as human beings, we are all interconnected. People often serve as mirrors to ourselves, and therefore can show us things about ourselves that we have yet to acknowledge. When a negative or positive comment triggers you; it is a sign that something within you is sensitive to that particular point. Your sensitivity can be due to a past experience, a personal characteristic or a particular thought that you are trying to repress. Part of starting anything new, such as a business venture, consists of many emotions such as doubt, anxiety and fear of failure or success. We typically do not want to acknowledge these feelings; for fear that they may either hold us back or propel us forward in life. However, when you are not completely honest about your feelings, a similar thought expressed by someone else can easily trigger your emotions.  When you find yourself triggered by what others say, take the opportunity to explore yourself deeper. It will in turn help you to become more aware of all aspects of your situation and enable you to be honest about your fears, limitations and possibilities. Therefore, when someone makes a comment to you in the future, it will be easier for you to acknowledge what they have said, without becoming attached to it, since you have already worked through your emotions internally.  In reality, people will always make comments about your life that may or may not be accurate. You be the judge as to whether these comments resonate with your situation. Once you have done so, let go of any lingering doubt by focusing your attention on what you believe and remember, always remain true to yourself.

Debbie

Please be advised that the advice written in this column is not a substitution for psychotherapy.