Dear Debbie,

I am dating someone who criticizes the way I look. I know that I am overweight and keep trying to lose it but to no avail.  How can I feel good about myselfwhen I look this way and know that the person I am with is dissatisfied?

SD

 Dear SD,

   The truth is that no one can make you feel bad about yourself, unless you let them. What that means is that because you are feeling bad about yourself, that energy is being passed on to the person you are dating. An energy vibration occurs in each of us that transfers to the people around us, therefore, when someone is positive and in a good space, you can feel it and vice-versa.  The first thing to do is to look at yourself honestly and say yes, I am overweight, I would like to lose weight but I am ok with who I am right now. Accepting the truth of the situation even if your desire is for it to be different, creates an energy vibration that will not only give you the strength to create something new, it will also show others that you, at this present moment are completely ok.  The reason that you are all right is because your present situation does not determine who you are, it is part of  your growth.                                                                                      

For example, a flower, in full bloom maintains the same intrinsic beauty as a flower that has withered;  it is flowing  with the evolution of nature. You too share the same reality as the flower; you are beautiful now in this moment of your evolution, and when you reach full bloom or rather slimness, that  will be beautiful as well.  Welcome this evolution. Learn life’s lessons at each point in  time and recognize that at this moment, just as you are, you are beautiful.

Please be advised that the advice written in this column is not a substitution for psychotherapy.