Dear Debbie,

It seems as though every time I get close to what I want I become negative and sabotage myself. For example I was looking for a job, found exactly what I want and during the waiting period I became so negative in my thinking I think I ruined it by calling them too much and just putting out the wrong energy. Can you help? TS

Dear TS, 

It is true that the closer we get to what we want the more likely we will do something to sabotage it. The reason is often because the ego wants us to stay the way we are, so  that it can be in control.  Sabotage maintains the status quo, allowing what is to continue to exist.  For example, when you first make a decision it feels great and then the ego comes into play to tell you otherwise. Negative thoughts start entering your mind that has you second  guessing yourself, creating emotions like fear, guilt, etc.  These  emotions can become so  uncomfortable; you may feel the need to do something, like make that phone call again to alleviate the discomfort.  When making a decision your first initial gut reaction is important to remember, since what comes next is a trick of the ego.  We can be in control of our ego by becoming aware of its process. Once we are aware, we can then see the negative thoughts and emotions for what they are just sabotage. When a negative thought enters your mind, first ask yourself “Do I really want this to happen?” If your answer is no, you have a choice at that moment, to continue in the negative or to focus on your original intention. Taking a moment to close your eyes and visualize what it is that you want will create the positive energy and space for it to occur. This is the awareness needed to create what you want in your life.

Please be advised that the advice written in this column is not a substitution for psychotherapy.